Reminiscence

2004-11-03T10:54:00.000+08:00

Ok, so my hunch was right. I really didn't get in. Thing is, there is a difference between thinking you didn't get in and knowing that you really didn't get in.

I know I'm supposed to see it as the Lord's will so that I may have more time to catch up on my studies. But I just wanted to be up there, doing everything someone else could do. Some Christian songs just seem like a string of words to me now.

2004-11-02T18:59:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in very long.

Well, today was Oral Presentation for PW. The presentation itself was ok, got killed by the Question and Answer Session thanks to Michelle Wong. But with that all said and done,
PW SHALL BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND FOREVER

Tomorrow's the results of the OGL selection. I have this really bad feeling I didn't get in. But I'll accept it. And that means I'll be able to stay full time for youth conference, which I really need.

Chinese is on friday. mugmugmug.

2004-10-25T14:21:00.000+08:00

the weather is fine when You rain on me

promo results were quirky to say the least.

i like schan's house and i love her voice. it's not fair. class party was ok since I entertained myself haha.

ok i dun feel like writing anything and i'm really incongruous cos I have an OGL interview in a couple

2004-10-15T18:48:00.000+08:00

i miss Daniel. haven't seen him for three days. where is he?

2004-10-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

Bio SPA was damn easy. duh. after that headed down to hollland v for breakfast with sarahs and aayush.

headed down to down and lanned for about 5 hours with eugene, edwin, jeremy, josh, sherman. town was bloody crowded la. banged into elaine, mel, sarah, joanne, marc joe, desmond, zhiwei, amey, sherman ho, yvette, sarah, charlene, lydia to name a few. I heard rachael was in town too. anyway all's good. I need to go to a beach. but I wanna sleep.

2004-10-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

Watched White Chicks two times already. Within four days of each other, but I dun mind. Love it.

Went down to orchard today after Physics SPA. Got new goggles and then headed down to meet the rest of the people at Cine. Ran into Alaric. So wanted to watch Exorcist but the stupid timing was too late so we settled for White Chicks. Had lunch at some sushi place before the thing. After the show we ran into sarah, sara, shuling, karen and gang. Went down to help Aayush get some stuff then Manik, Immanuel and Aayush left. Went shopping and walking with Del. Banged into the sarah gang like more than ten times. I swear they were following us everywhere. Banged into Dick Lee at Scott's. Saw Pravin at orchard. Ahh. I wanna sleep.

2004-10-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

Promos have detrimental effects on health. Here's a brief summary:

Monday: GP was ok. Walked out during the Chinese paper 'cos I had a 38.4 degree fever. Slept the whole day away

Tuesday: Physics paper 3 wasn't as bad as I expected. With God's grace and a miracle I'll scrape a pass. Sneezed the whole day away. Went down to Rachael's house to study Chem.

Wed: Chem. I love chem. It's my saving grace. This time, fever at 38.0 AND flu AND sore throat. Rachael's mum bought us lunch and fetched us to church so we could study. Missed the kindergarten kids by 15 minutes. Grr. Then BenQ and BenC came down to study. Oh yea congrats on the prelim results

Today: Maths sucks my ass la. I skipped 70 marks worth of questions. So that's one confirmed F down for me.

Tomorrow: Bio AND Physics paper 1 and 2. Nay. Haven't started on Bio and I'm giving up on physics.

Next week: Chem and Physics SPA on Mon, Bio SPA on Wednesday. Then,

LIBERATION!!!

Alas, until then I shall continue feeling like a sallow old necromancer locked up in his crypt or masoleum studying the dark arts. (Well, school books are evil innit?)

Hmm I shall not get CCDE. No more four subs for me. Back to the books.

Water, Carbohydrates, Lipids, Proteins
Cell Structure
Enzymes
Ecology
Cell Division
DNA
Mendellian Genetics and Inheritance

thank God photosynthesis isn't tested.

on the brink of insanity.

2004-09-23T13:47:00.000+08:00

'cos obviously
she's outta my league
I'm wasting my time
'cos she'll never be mine
and I know I never will be good enough for her

2004-09-21T21:56:00.000+08:00

Which Angel Or Demon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-09-21T12:11:00.000+08:00

I ponned school yesterday. And I ponned school today. No feelings of guilt though. Usually I'd feel weird and all that 'cos you know everyone is in school going about their daily routine, but these few days I feel liberated by ponning school. At least I know I'm making it worthwhile by going down to church to study with the rest of the J1s and the Sec Fours. Actually, I'll do that right now.

On another note, it's raining cats and dogs so I can't head down to church just yet. And the queue for the doctor is like 2 hours long. Now how am I going to get an MC in time? Grrr

2004-09-18T21:57:00.000+08:00

eXpressive: 8/10
Practical: 3/10
Physical: 7/10
Giver: 10/10

You are a XSYG--Expressive Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Sex Bomb.

You are sexy sex sex sex! The sexness! You are the sexiest, hottest and most charismatic of all types. You are a captivating speaker and a great dinner date -- relaxed, self-effacing, charming and generous. Your type probably has origins in something sad -- trying to keep the peace in a tough family situation, or an early heartbreak -- and you'll probably want to address and resolve that at some point, but in your relationships that heartache is pure gold!

You lie effortlessly -- not necessarily a bad thing. You can have problems with fidelity. You need frequent praise and validation, and in seeking it you can make decisions that aren't consistent with your general good judgment. In other words, don't cheat on your significant other just because someone is paying attention to you.

You strongly dislike conflict, and will avoid it. Like an XPYG, you give so much of yourself to your partner that you feel dismissed and unappreciated if you don't get the same in return. But you internalize your feelings more and have a hard time getting over them. You don't *want* to cheat -- you just keep finding yourself in vulnerable situations. But you'll stay with your partner in the long run from guilt and a desire to please.

Your sex life will always be hot. You are one of the rare people who can keep the fires of passion going forever -- if you find a good match. Find another XSYG and you will never need (or want) anyone else again.

Of the 87323 people who have taken this quiz, 8.6 % are this type.

Take this test and feel happy if you have an easily inflatable ego. =)

2004-09-18T01:56:00.000+08:00

School was fine. Wendy Lim is a damn good chem teacher.

After school, trooped home and got stuck in a stupid train that decided to stall at Little India for 15 minutes. Then went back, changed and went off to meet Cedric. Happy Birthday man. Got there half an hour late, had dinner. Went down to the Arts House at the Old Parliamanet to watch a Turkish film, "Hamam". It means Turkish Bath. It was so-so la. After that went to snap a few more shots and walked down to macs at boat quay and had McFlurry. Sat down and talked for quite a long while then walked down more past the clubs and everything and sat down and talked more. We encountered a super chio cat, an even more chio Siberian Husky, and a drunkard lying in a puddle of his own puke and piss. Damn unglam. He left to catch up with his old friend at 12 plus so I cabbed home and here I am.

Shall sleep now. I'm tired. And I plan to swim tomorrow morning.

2004-09-16T09:57:00.000+08:00

The Great Divide

Silence, trying to fathom the distance
Looking out 'cross the canyon carved by my hands
God is gracious, sin would still separate us
Were it not for the bridge His grace has made us
His love will carry me

There's a bridge to cross the great divide
A way was made to reach the other side
The mercy of the Father cost His Son His life
His love is deep, His love is wide
There's a cross to bridge the great divide

God is faithful, on my own I'm unable
He found me hopeless, alone, and sent a Saviour
He's provided a path and promised to guide us
Safely past all the sin that would divide us
His love delivers me

There's a bridge to cross the great divide
A way was made to reach the other side
The mercy of the Father cost His Son His life
His love is deep, His love is wide
There's a cross to bridge the great divide

The cross that cost my Lord His life has given me mine

There's a bridge to cross the great divide
There's a cross to bridge the great divide
There's a bridge to cross the great divide
A way was made to reach the other side
The mercy of the Father cost His Son His life
His love is deep, His love is wide
There'a cross to bridge the great divide

2004-09-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

Biology is bad for your brains. All the photosynthesis lecture today did was to drive me nuts. Like, get a life. There's so much that goes on in a single stupid chloroplast in a lousy little leaf. And we need to know that much in detail? Grr...

Muse of the day: Kirchhoff's First Law states in layman terms that 'what goes in must come out'. Imagine the whole of LT1 roaring in laughter as the lecturer solemnly voiced it.

2004-09-15T17:45:00.000+08:00

I feel subdued, to put it lightly. Chem test tomorrow and I just did a mock test. Pretty demoralizing to get a score of 1/25. And all the pressure is finally loading onto me like never before and it just comes in one big punch so it's pretty painful. I hate the rain. I want the sun. I need the sun. I need someone.

2004-09-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

The periods after lunch today were a complete waste of time. Math tutorial was shitty as usual. I sat on a stack of chairs 5 chairs tall so I was elevated. Miss Tan isn't in school till Thursday so there's no teacher for Bio tutorial. So I trooped down to the com lab to surf blogs. And then double period PE which was a stupid health talk about hypo-kinetic disease. Come on la we're Bio students for a reason.

Anyway just came back from studying at church. Ben skipped his Add Math Prelim Paper and didn't even have an MC. So Rachael and I cabbed down with Ben to a nearby clinic and got an MC.

Libra - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You are open minded enough to date outside your typical "type", and successfully.
You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out.
You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.

Your negative traits:

You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.
You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date
You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.

Your ideal partner:

A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you to.
Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.
Is beautiful to you - although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.

Your dating style:

Romantic. If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry... well, your heart soars.

Your seduction style:

Giving. Your lover's pleasure is as important as your own.
Soft and sensual - you don't like anything to be rough.
Extravagant ... your fantasy involves staying at a five star hotel with your love.

Tips for the future:

Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes.
Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.
Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.

Best color to attract mate: Green

Best day for a date: Wednesday

Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

On another note, Justina said she's mailed me my present. I'm happy. Ok I shall go be boliao and disturb people. I wanna go shopping desperately. But then again, I always wanna go shopping.

2004-09-14T01:03:00.002+08:00

School Snaps

2004-09-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

Went for dinner at Marriot on Sunday Night for Mum's Birthday. I shall be annoying and list what I had. Smoked salmon, beer cured salmon, sashimi, cream of carrot,beancurd broth, scallps, prawns, baby octopus, beef stew, pacific dory, veg, pork chjop, sushi, yakitori, oregano with crusted cheese, green olive halbi, chicken tagen, thai fried rice, taiwanese duck, shrimp and cuttlefish with capsicums in satay sauce, cheese platter, oreo cheesecake, new york cheesecake, strawberry cheesecake, rich chocolate cake, apple flan, beef goulash, wine jelly, white coffee mousse, chocolate and coffee shots, almond and longan jelly, strawberry jelly, cammomile tea with honey, kebab with pita bread. I'm greedy and I'm not in denial.

School reopens. 3 more weeks to promos. I shall officially start stressing out. Chem test on equilibria on Thursday. Time to mug.

I look 20. I was 15 when I took this.

2004-09-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

I screwed up at teen's worship bleh. But the message about sin was really powerful and it's motivated me to change and make a conscious effort at it. It's been an ok week cos didn't really have much school but the next week is gonna be a hell lot of mugging in church. I'll try to run and swim to prevent my mind from overloading. Beef stew in church is nice =)

Stop Crying Your Heart Out
Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

2004-08-31T23:19:00.000+08:00

Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

2004-08-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

Oh life is good. Yesterday went to town with Mum to shop. Spent about 200 bucks at Stadium and then went to see Fossil watches. Then she went to Zara and got a nice chocolate coloured top. Then had to rush back to fetch Daniel for piano lesson.Then, today I was supposed to go meet Joel and Deb for Miss Sie's Teachers' Day present. But we spent only 15 minutes buying the present and spent 2 hours eating at Fish n Co. The greedy cousins muahaha. And my Dad's really nice. I fell asleep on Daniel's bed at like 6 plus and refused to wake up for dinner. And now, since I'm awake at 11 and the maid has gone to sleep, he's gone to buy roti prata for both me and Daniel. =)

Oh and I took yet another pink slip so I could visit RI today. I miss RI and the people man. Every single classmate agrees that RI was much more fun than what we're going through now. Can't believe we couldn't wait to get out. Oh well. I miss the old class. Shall spend the whole of tomorrow studying in church. With the promos looming imminently, I shall not waste anymore time doodling around. I hope.

2004-08-23T20:03:00.003+08:00

Anniversary Pics

2004-08-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

Long time no blog. But anyway I just came back from church. Had curry, scallop veg salad, pork ribs, satay, ice cream with chocolate sauce and mango puree for dinner. Somehow there was too much food and they didn't take out the unagi. I love the church, but not for the food. For other reasons which shall be elaborated on when my lousy GP package test on economics is over. Happy 31st Bethany.

Photos from the dinner shall be uploaded on the net when I have enough time.

2004-07-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you

2004-07-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

Oh sigh. It's one of those moments I just need to sit down and pen down thoughts. My poor unupdated blog.

2004-07-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Well, well. I need to brush up on my acting skills. Acting happy isn't as easy as it used to be. I guess it's my eyes. I know I should be thankful I didn't fail Physics badly but the prospect of actually getting an F and not an AO pass is just terrible. Plus the fact that I have a certified F for Math. So that's two F's to me and that's just coincidentally the criterion to make you drop a subject. Oh and Madam Sophia Ng kindly blurted that I did badly for GP. Oh why. But God will lead me out of this fog.

They say that into every life some rain must fall
for the pain is no respecter of the mighty or the small
But sometimes it just seems so unfair
To see the one who's had more than his share
Oh it makes you wonder why

And Lord I wouldn't guess Your mighty plan
For I know You have a purpose that's beyond the scope of man
If You look inside my heart You will find
That I have always been the trusting kind
Oh but still I wonder why

I wonder why
Do the rainy days have to come
When the storm clouds hide the sun
I wanna know why
Why
I wonder why
When the reasons aren't clear to me
When it all i sa mystery
I wanna know why
And though down here I may not understand
I won't let go of the unseen Hand
For It holds the resaons why

The Lord has never been afraid of honest prayers
And He won't allow the burden to be more than you can bear
If He knows that your trust is in Him
He doesn't mind the questions now and then

I wonder why
Do the rainy days have to come
When the storm clouds hide the sun
I wanna know why
Why
I wonder why
When the reasons aren't clear to me
When it all i sa mystery
I wanna know why
And though down here I may not understand
I won't let go of the unseen Hand
For It holds the resaons why

And though down here I may not understand
I won't let go of the unseen Hand
For He holds the resaons why

2004-07-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

How to make a samuelchuhsienen

Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

1 part ambition

5 parts beauty

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of fitness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

On another note, watched Euro Finals with Joel Edwin and Jeremy at my house. We were suppsoed to watch it at Andrea's house by Deb didn't go so I think we all acknowledged that it wouldn't be nice to be there when she was the only girl. Oh well. So I hardly slept, even after the finals, cos I was too engrossed in playing with Edwin's PS2 hoho. Then took a really short nap and then went down to cine to meet Sherman and lanned until quite late. Had to come back early cos there was school today.

School was fun singing gay boyband songs with Slow Aayush and Del. We've officially taken over her job as class singers. I love those people. I wonder how the Hong Kong girl will turn out. We'll wait till tomorrow to see.

2004-07-04T00:48:00.000+08:00

Oh yes. Term exams are over. Celebrations.

On another note, went for Physics paper in the morning today. It was relatively easy actually but too bad I didn't study for it. Anyway after that Rachael wanted me to go back to her house to take her choir scores and rush back to school and pass it to her before 12:30. I agreed but in the end she called and said she'd get them herself. So I met Sherman outside school and mrt-ed down to town. Ate at macs for brunch and then met Josh who came late. Walked all over town and stoned. Then went over to church for YPG and Choir. Hoho luckily I'm playing piano so I'm not required to do actions :p Oh we gave Mingfei his belated birthday present =) Hope he liked it.

After choir went back home to bathe and change before we met up with the J1s again. Met Cherie and Justina at Serangoon MRT and mrt-ed down to Dhoby Ghaut. We were rushing like hell to find a nice nice cake to celebrate Mingfei, Jia Qi and Josh's birthday. But in the end Josh didn't come. Sigh. But anyway we bought a cake from secret recipe while the other people queued at cafe cartel 'cos it was really crowded. When we finally got in and most of the people were ordering I went up to Secret Recipe with Rachael to pay for and collect the cake. Had to sneak in through the back of cafe cartel to get the cake into the fridge without the birthday people seeing. I have skill. Hoho.

So after we had our dinner we brought the cake out and sang Happy Birthday and stuff. And Mingfei + Jia were so shocked la. Mingfei was really happy and touched =) After that we got out of cartel and walked near Istana park and we shared alot of stuff. It felt really good that the whole batch could relate to each other 'cos we had alot of past history, bad history. But I feel it's God's plan that He's brought us together so we can support each other and bring each other through JC life.

Oh wells I love my batch.

2004-07-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

This feels right. It IS right. I love You, Lord. Part the waters and remind me, Lord. for I'm only human. Your love is the sole reason for my living. Thank You, Lord

Earnestly I sought You
Lovingly You found me
Embraced me as your child
Now I'll never be the same
No greater love than Yours, Lord
I've never known it before
Only ever dreamed about
This abundant love

How could I say thank you
For joy and peace so beautifulFather, friend, MY Jesus
Lover of my soul
Savior of the world
I dance before Your throne
All that is within me
Will rise to glorify

2004-07-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

a cascade of silver
floating into a lonesome stream of light
perfect union
in a hazy mist
streaks so divine
angel of ice
ever so gracefully
glide into the cold, long night
wisps from a crystalline heart
only your tender touch could melt
a distant calling grows
now a poignant echo
resounding, reverberating
singing of a love forlorn
in vain, a silent plea resonates
into the void of the night
falling from grace
slipping from the light
spinning, sliding
into the beauty of the night
mesmerized by you
elysian fog
render me comatose

2004-06-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

THAT'S IT.
I'm giving up on terms.
Fail me then.
Make me drop physics.

'nuff said.

2004-06-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be that way

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say good-by
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

Like a river flowing to the sea
You'll be miles away, and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be that way

'Til the loneliness shadows the sky
I'll be sailing down and I will know
I know I can clear clouds away
Oh Is it a crime to love

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say good-by
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be that way

2004-06-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

And so today I shut off my guilty conscience and went out with Ben, Deb and Andrea. Been quite a long time since it was just us out. So much for 10-10 shopping. Got abit of stuff and time was already like, passing super slowly. So we crashed Andrea's house and just hanged out. And suddenly it was 11.

Ok now to get back to studying. No. Let that be tomorrow. This day is to remain study-free.

2004-06-24T14:26:00.000+08:00

Come On -- Ben Jelen

And finally the silence
Looking out, looking back across the sky
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did she go
How did she go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Thinking back before her
I never knew the meaning of alone
Still the flag is feeling foreign
I live the day to escape into a phone
Speaking of a world not real then
Where did she go
How did she go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Cause she's sharp for kisses
And my heart misses
She's coming
She's coming here to me
I'm needing
Desiring to kiss her now
I'm living for her
Breathing for her
Singing for her fairytale

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Come on ...

2004-06-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

crucify my love, if it sets me free

2004-06-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

Alright. The concert at the Esplanade Concourse went well. Although it was abit cramped, and during the rehearsal run Zhi Guang's cello bow kept brushing against my leg. Grr. And they issued another artiste pass. Good. I can start collecting those.

Everyone is beginning to stress out about the terms. I, for one, just discovered that Chemistry is on the first day of the term, afternoon paper after GP. And I haven't started. Only managed to do mole concept today, which really sucks. Best thing is, there are like 15 more topics to go. I remember last year Teacher Chen Kee shared at a gathering at Jalan Bangau the PAW principle. Haha. Pray-and-whack. As Deb pointed out, it's really hard to involve God in our studies. But I gotta learn to do it. The Lord will bless.

There's GP lesson tomorrow and I'm gonna waste a good 2 hours of time on public transport. It's all so irritating. Time is what I need. I let the first three weeks fly by. I want those three weeks back. Coincidentally, my media player is playing beautiful day by U2. 'it's a beautiful day...don't let it get away..' Haha. Apt as always. My life is a soap opera sometimes.

Oh yes before I forget
Happy Birthday Josh!!!
May the Lord bless and keep you in the years to come ^^

I hope Junior Camp is going on without a hitch. I wanted to help but it's my only week I have to study. I'll get down to church on Thursday to see the special program. I miss church.

I miss freedom.
I want out.

b i g l o v e a d a g i o

breathe every little piece of me
you'll see everything is alright

2004-06-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

Do you ever have that dream
Where you're walking naked down the street
And everyone just stares
Do you ever feel so deep
That you speak your mind
To put others straight to sleep
You wonder if anybody cares
Sometimes I think I'm the only one
Whose day turned out unlike it had begun

And I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cuz I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

You ever go downstairs to start your day
But your car's not there
Yeah you know the joke's on you
You ever try your luck with a pickup line
But you just sucked
You tell yourself it wasn't you
And I know it's hard to hold it inside
It's days like these I run and hide

When I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cuz I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

It's all a state of mind
But I don't mind trying to find a way
To keep my head above the mess I make
What the world creates
Sometimes it feels so good to let it all fall
As the world fall
I may fall
We all may fall
And then the world comes tumbling
Down down down down down

I'm bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
'Cuz I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

When I feel barenaked

2004-06-22T14:45:00.000+08:00

I just realized how much there is for term exams. And there's less than a week to study for it. Why oh why. Even chem notes are really thick. Grr. I'm oh-so-dead.

Gonna perform at the Esplanade concourse today. Not the best of locations but well it's good exposure. First desk of 2nd violins. RI ensemble pieces are MUCH nicer -- Bruch Concerto and Peer Gynt Suite ( last movement = In The Hall of the Mountain King ) just to name a few. Holidays kept me more busy than during term time.

I'm superbly incongruous now. I know why. I'm panicking over the term exams. Somebody save me.

2004-06-20T22:52:00.000+08:00

A couple of things have impacted me over the weekend. It's really an answer to my prayers 'cos I've been struggling alot in my walk with the Lord.

Yesterday, Pastor was sharing how God loves us as perfect beings. It struck me 'cos we can never be perfect, yet God still loves us, as though we are perfect. And it's really encouraing 'cos although we may stumble in our walk, God sees through all our inconsistencies and reaches out to love us.

During teens worship today, T. Li Yen shared how we can be filled with the knowledge of God's perfect will and yet continue increase in knowledge. It's a really challenging thought. And one of the songs we sang was my center. One word hit me hard. I never took note of it but today it just stood out to me.

So many decisions, I don't know where to start
Do I go with what my head tells me, or listen to my heart?
Standing in the middle, I'm truly overwhelmed
By all I'm trying to handle all by myself

Out on the edge with You as my center
The point around which all my world revolves
Every question can find an answer
Every problem can be solved
Things seem clearer, and I can see You work
But only when I first, make You my center

It's so amazing, 'tho it really shouldn't be
How You work each day around the world without much help from me
I know I've found myself, sometimes in Your way
Remind me Lord, when I should stay in my place

Out on the edge with You as my center
The point around which all my world revolves
Every question can find an answer
Every problem can be solved
Things seem clearer, and I can see You work
But only when I first, make You my center

2004-06-19T10:50:00.000+08:00

I love this song. Schan sent it to me and now I'm hooked on it.

The Verve Pipe - Colorful

The show is over close the story book
There will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well they're reaching for the door
I watch their backs as they leave single file
But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn't pantomime
You are more beautiful when you awake
Than most are in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory well
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Look ahead as far as you can see
We'll live in drama but we'll die in a comedy
I know I can be colorful...

Need to study today and get down to church early 'cos I don't have the scores for the songs I'm playing for ypg today. *dead.

2004-06-17T21:59:00.000+08:00

I want you memorized. So when I close my eyes. All I have to do is keep loving you by heart.

2004-06-15T15:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterdae was really fun. Especially at Delifrance and the aftermath.

Not going to sentosa today. I know the sun is out and I wanna have fun. BUT. As Teacher Aileen put in perspective. Service is an extension of our lives. If I even wanna think about serving at teens worship, I should get my studies in order. I'd feel guilty if I went. So I shall stay at home and mug. Or try to.

Sometimes I know you can read my mind
Deep down inside where my fears are hiding
Whisper so tender, the way that you do
There's a love that's forever I've found in you

I know sometimes I ask you for the moon
Reach for a star and I long to hold you
How can this love be so simple for you
Then you reach out and touch me and suddenly I see

All that I need is you
Always forever with you
I feel your love and I realize
All I ever needed was you
Just you

Once in a while a dream will come true
A moment in time created by you
Things less important start falling away
There's a truth down inside me and I hear my heart say

All that I need is you
Always forever with you
I feel your love and I realize
All I ever needed was you
Just you

I remember a time
Love was so hard to find
I was never really satisfied
Needing what I just denied
Oh but now I see
So suddenly

All that I need is you
Always forever with you
I feel your love and I realize
All I ever needed was you
Just you

All I ever needed was you
Just you

2004-06-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

There's a bridge to cross the great divide.
There's a cross to bridge the great divide.

2004-06-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

Yeah baby. J1 outing tomorrow again. We've come a long way from the bickering/internal conflict batch we were last year, up till december. And I definitely thank God for that.

My God has never let me down.

2004-06-06T00:49:00.000+08:00

Bah. I'm not surprised. Actually I'm surprised I didn't get 'very high'. Hmm.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

2004-06-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Spending the next few days in KL shopping my butt off.

2004-06-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

Oh yea. Chocolate is passionate, sexy, and prestigious.

2004-06-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

AC choir rocks. Especially the alumni.

Want to be with You wherever You are

2004-05-28T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hehe. I love DoTa. And I love cosmic bowling. 136, 131, 135. Avg 134.

Thank You Lord, for my special friends.

2004-05-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

You know, I don't know why people choose friends.

2004-05-27T20:03:00.000+08:00

Thank you Lord, for reminding me.

The greatest testimony against Christianity is the Christians themselves.

2004-05-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

Ahh. I miss you guys. You guys rock my world.

2004-05-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

I love singing. Especially in youth choir.

Singing hallelujah, hallelujah to my awesome God
Lift my voice unto my closest Friend, I'll praise You to the end
Singing hallelujah, hallelujah to the faithful One
Raise my hands in honor of You, Lord
I'll praise forevermore

2004-05-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

Baby, I'm-a want you
Baby, I'm-a need you
You the only one I care enough to hurt about
Maybe I'm-a crazy
But I just can't live without
Your lovin' and affection
Givin' me direction
Like a guiding light to help me through my darkest hour

Lately I'm a-prayin'
That you'll always be a-stayin' beside me

Used to be my life was just emotions passing by
Feeling all the while and never really knowing why

Lately I'm a-prayin'
That you'll always be a-stayin' beside me

Used to be my life was just emotions passing by
Then you came along and made me laugh
And made me cry
You taught me why

Baby, I'm-a want you
Baby, I'm-a need you

Oh, it took so long to find you, baby

Baby, I'm-a want you
Baby, I'm-a need you

2004-05-13T22:36:00.000+08:00

Be Thou my vision O Lord of my Heart
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping thy presence, my light

Be Thou my wisdom and Thou my true Word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord
Thou my great Father and I thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with thee one

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High king of heaven, my threasure, Thou art

High King of heaven my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joy, Bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision O ruler of all

2004-05-11T21:16:00.000+08:00

My hand still smells of blueberry.

2004-05-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

2004-05-10T20:01:00.000+08:00

Ack. Now the song is stuck in my head. All Sarah's fault.

2004-05-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

Gonna visit Ting Ping tomorrow with Rachael and whoever. I just feel that it's really God's mercy that's helped her through and helped her take all this in her stride. I can see no other reason than His unconditional divine love that has been showered upon us all. And we know that all things work for good for those who love God. The Lord really watches over us.

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be the witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take
We'll give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

2004-05-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

Let go. Let God.

2004-05-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

If You were a road
I'd learn every turn 'till I
Could find my way with my eyes closed
If You were a song
I'd sing along 'till I
Knew every word and every note

But you were everything to me
A mystery
You're the Love I live to see

By heart, by soul
That's how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul

If You were a place
I'd stay my whole life 'till I
Had every corner memorized
And if You were a star
I'd follow You home
You would be
The Light that is my only guide

You were everything to me
My A to Z
And will be forever and eternally

By heart, by soul
That's how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul

I wanna know You inside and out
Better than I even know myself

By heart, by soul
That's how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul

By heart, by soul
That's how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul

If You were a star
I'd follow You home
By heart, by soul

2004-04-28T16:13:00.000+08:00

Haha it's track and field now and I'm slacking in the library now. Yay now I've got people to go with me for both the band and the choir concert heh. =) Anyway I haven't been blogging, at least not in a long while. And I like to delude myself by thinking that I'm busy with schoolwork and all BUT I know I'm not. Backsliding in every sense of the word. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I'm still consistently reading the bible every day. Up to Acts now. School can be really tiring. Like on tuesdays I can reach home at like 9 or 10 plus. And then I just fling myself onto the bed and become dead to the world. Oh well. His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.

I really can't wait for choir to start again. I really miss singing for the Lord. But I guess a good rest would be beneficial to my vocal chords. Haha we were watching the easter concert vcd on Sunday and we were all happy that we managed to glorify God.

I'm gonna flunk my math test tmr. I need help. As in, I NEED HELP! Oh well.

So I whisper in the dark, hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?

2004-04-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friends voices
Better than the biggest dreams in my heart
And that's just the start
Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

You hold me now in Your arms You never let me go

And You, oh Lord made the sunshine
And the moonlight and the nightsky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You
Because I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You

2004-04-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Anyway I won't be in church on Sunday 'cos I'll be performing at the Asian Civilisation Museum with the ensemble. I'll definitely miss you guys. Thankfully I'm going for evening worship so I'll still get to listen to the message and worship =)

In moments like these, I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like these, I lift up my hands
I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing I love You Lord
Singing I love You Lord
Singing I love You Lord
I love You

2004-04-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

When it looks like you've lost it all, and you haven't got a prayer, Jesus will still be there.

Ack just came back from cca. The rehearsal ended at 9. I'm like totally exhausted 'cos there was double period pe today. Looks like there isn't gonna be any work done tonight. And I'm screwed for the Chem and Maths tests. Oh well. Tough.

It's Your love that compels us
To do what You've called us to do
And we completely abandon to You
Down any road, at any cost
Whever You lead we will follow
Because we know that You've called us to take up our cross
Down any road, at any cost

2004-04-18T15:55:00.000+08:00

You Never Came Down

I tried to be the savior,
I tried to wear the crown -
Climbin' up that mountain of pride,
So sure of where I was bound;
But then You looked at me from Your tower of wood,
And it was there I found
That only You could be the Savior -
Only You could wear the crown!

Lord, You never came down,
You never came down from Your tower of wood,
For it was only in your dying
That Your love was understood;
Lord, You never came down,
You never came down from Your tower of wood
'Til it was finished,
Lord, You never came down

Sometimes I try to walk alone,
I try to stand so tall,
But then I see You there
And I hear the hammer fall;
I know You could have saved Yourself
From hanging on that tree
On that day you could have walked away,
But You loved me - so You stayed!

Lord, You never came down,
You never came down from Your tower of wood,
For it was only in your dying
That Your love was understood;
Lord, You never came down,
You never came down from Your tower of wood
'Til it was finished,
Lord, You never came down

2004-04-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

Just a really sweet thought. The widest separation isn't life and death. It's me standing right in front of you and you not knowing how much I love you.

2004-04-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

I really haven't been updating in a long long while. It's been a long week of school. But I'd prefer to focus on Easter.

It was such a great experience. Singing for the Lord, glorifying Him with the gifts He had given to me. Some people told me during Christmas I had looked glum but during Easter they could see I sang with real joy. That's because I found joy in singing, playing the violin etc. Even the violin solo wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Focusing on the Lord helped alot I guess. And watching the Passion of the Christ helped as a good lead up to Good Friday. As I sang during the concert, I couldn't help but have flashbacks of clips from the movie, and also verses from the Bible that related His death on the cross for our sins.

"And from my smitten heart of tears, two wonders I confess. The wonders of redeeming love, and my unworthiness."

Born in slavery to sin, content to live apart from God.
Unaware of grace, and unaware of truth.
Confined to labour on this sod.

But a miracle occured.
The son of God became a man.
The blood that stained His cross bought us peace with God.
And fulfilled the Father's loving plan.

Even through the suffering and shame, Christ bore all my sins alone.
Dying in my place, He completed grace.

And my sin has been nailed to the cross of my Savior, where Satan has no power.
For God has displayed His undeserved favour.
He's taken my sin and He has nailed to the cross.

I just found those lyrics so beautiful and I can't help feeling with the song. It's our sins that drove the nails through His hands. It's our greed and contempt that made Him stay up on the cross. Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one's life for His friends, and even strangers. The joy I felt was merely a response to how much God had loved and blessed me. As school continues, the challenges continue. I don't know how I can cope.

For I am crucified with Christ, and yet I live.
Not I but Christ who lives within me.
His cross will never ask for more than I can give.
For it's not my strength but His.
There's no greater sacrifice.
For I am crucified with Christ, and yet I live.

2004-03-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

School is tiring. Ack. Auditioned for choir today. They did test my range, which I supposed was a good sign. But then later someone from choir smsed me to ask if I would like to audition on Saturday for choir pianist. So I took up the offer anyway. I know He has a plan for me. So anyway I still have to deliberate over choices of CCAs. Think I'll put up 3 more fruits of the Holy Spirit. I think I need to review and apply the lessons we learnt at Family Camp 'cos I think I'm constantly grieving the Holy Spirit. And I know I need help with my bad language. Sigh.

Longsuffering
Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting for it patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. - James 5:7-8

Kindness
But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared ... - Titus 3:4

Goodness
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. - 2 Cor 3:18
However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. - 1 Tim 1:16

2004-03-28T22:20:00.000+08:00

Ok. Really haven't updated in a few days. Actually only one or two.

Yesterdae seriously rocked. Got up early in the morning and met sherman to get my uniform at orchard. And it was flooded by GEP people. Crazy. Then went over to cineleisure and met up with Josh and we started our bowling spree. Later on we were joined my Mingfei, Justina and Liling. I was so over the moon yesterdae 'cos I got my highest score. 181 haha. The rest of the games were like constantly 100-130+. Practice makes perfect, lol. After that we went down to Pastamania to have lunch with Teacher Chung Han, and Ivy also joined us. Had a speedy by pleasant lunch and rushed up to the theatre and got seated to watch the gospel of John. It's really a great movie. I was moved to tears on a few occassions. And I saw oneness in the church, cos we really filled the whole theatre. Wow. Then after the movie, we went over to KFC to have dinner, and then headed to church for camp echo. All the pleasant memories and precious lessons we learnt from camp came flooding back.

Today's seriously been a long day. Looks like the Easter concert is finally coming along. Hope we'll be able to carry it through with conviction.

My sin has been nailed to the cross of my saviour, where Satan has no power.
For God has displayed His undeserved favour.
He's taken my sin and He has nailed it to the cross.

I love you, Lord.

2004-03-26T11:21:00.000+08:00

Alright. First things first. I'm in the school library now, and Rachael isn't very far behind me listening to music and whatever. Anyway, found this yesterday while surfing the net. Gosh, it's so sweet. Proposal.

Anyway I was rather impressed with ACJC's principal today during morning assembly. After morning devotions, she prayed for all the 300+ appeal cases who didn't manage to get into ACJC, and prayed that God would guide them. Contrast this with VJC. They called my friend up and told him that he couldn't take triple science and asked him to consider taking double maths, physics and chemistry. He agreed, but later they called back to say that there was no space in that subject combination. So he asked if there was any space in any subject combination at all in VJC. Guess what. They said, "Actually, no." Maybe this was a chance for me to see how the Holy Spirit works in our lives, and causes us to show care and concern for other people. Like ACJC's principal. Should we not follow her example and show love for people we do not even know?

2004-03-25T17:53:00.000+08:00

Right. Done with my layout and the music. Here's the main takeaway from Family Camp '04 as promised.

The sevenfold meaning of the multi-faceted Fruit of the Spirit
Fruitbearing and salvation are closely related.
Fruitbearing is a tell-tale characteristic of your state of life
Fruitbearing is an evidence of the Holy Spirit's work inside you
Fruitbearing is part of God's solution to all difficulties we see and face
Fruitbearing has to do with service and leadership
Fruitbearing is a very special way in which we reflect the image of God
Fruitbearing as a singular purpose in life

Love
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. - Matt. 22:37
You shall love your neighbour as yourself. - Matt 22:39

Joy
But now I come to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves. - John 17:13
... having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Spirit. - 1 Thess 1:6

Peace
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
These things you learned and received and heart and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you -Philippians 4:9

Alright. Only have time to do the firstfruits. School was fine today I guess. But since we aren't allowed out of school until 12.30, which is totally lame 'cos my last lecture ended at 11.10, so I left through the FMSS gate. Went over to Sherman's and watched the vcd for Love Actually. So after that he went back to school and I went for my dental appointment. I can't wait for Saturday. It's gonna be great.

Come baby, come. Heh.

2004-03-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

A new start. A new lease of life. ACJC. To all who didn't know, my appeal to RJC was actually successfull but RJC said I couldn't take biology if I went to RJC. So, since I wanna take biology and head on to med fac, I chose to stay in ACJC. Thank God for friends there.

School aside, it's really hard. To walk the talk. I know head knowledge is always good, but what's the use if it just stays in your head and it's not applied. I guess the walk of faith was always meant to be a challenge. Anyway don't exactly have alot of time now, I'll update about Family Camp '04 another time.

You are the answer
And the meaning of life
To hearts in darkness
You're the source of light
As we walk this human road
Every question we'll find
You are the answer

Went out with most of the j1s from church yesterday. Well Josh crashed AC and so we rushed down to cine with Sherman in a cab and went on a bowling spree again. After that Justina, Mingfei and Liling arrived. Sarah and Yvette arrived later. Well had a good time of 'fellowship', lol. But I do have to admit, it was good company. And it was actually something I had never expected 'cos anyone that's in church knows our batch has like a riff between the girls and the guys. Oh well I'm not complaining 'cos maybe He wants us to gel together so we can support each other in the Bethany forest of fruitful trees =)

You shined Your light in me
When I had no way
Rescued my dying heart
That I could not save
And not just for me but for the world today